Ahh this craziness will not capture me :~)

Consider seriously how quickly people change, and how little trust is to be had in them. So

hold fast to God, Who does not change. — St. Teresa of Avila

Found this sweet little quote this morning after looking for reassurance that life will survive this presidential administration.

This week my oldest daughter shared  a  english paper she had to write, "a single event that changed your life for ever"  Hers was of course on her total rebellion to fly off to Italy at the age of 18! and it was very touching to hear in her own words what she was trying to capture that year (we had set soo many high expectations of her and she had lied to make us think she was striving for them as well) But the best part was where she wrote that after 5 months there the dream, the fantasy had faded to reality.  All she ever really needed was here.   Mind you it was a light of maturity shining thru some harsh words and disappointments on both sides...but I think she might eventually truely understand the pain.

That said- I thought what a beautiful opportunity to write on such an event* So today as I wander thru my very boring job and wonder what my real grown up job will be...I will ponder this * Because at 51 years old I have more than one! But the most recent would have to be my life changing event of H*I*K*I*N*G

Gotta hit the showers now! later

well i figured this much!

well I got this far with posting a scrap book..listening to John Prine and really enjoying it and all the music off my Robert Earl keene Pandora radio!  man if all these things were available when i was a teen-young adult i never ever would be the person i am today (good or bad)

also went on and humbled myself enough to ask for an appetite suppressant (very humiliating to me) SO tired of being 45 pounds over weight and tired of being too tired--second day using them and they work! and they are NOT like speed.  Just help me control my appetite.

House work is hell ya know and when you finally surrender to the chore it does smell and look so good you wonder why you dreaded it for so long ;o) sorta like exercise, generally taking of yourself!  guess human nature just makes us lazy..

where did the days of my youth go?  where did my oldest children grow up?  Why was that soooo hard to do for me- My mother died 10 years ago this May-my oldest son graduated from high school 10 years ago man and my second son was being a teenager on the wilder side.  If I could have frozen time or just seperated events alittle.  Oh hell you cant---

Then began my most conservative period of my life...fear of everything took over and overprotection was my duty!  My own esteem crumbled to resemble broken porcelain left on the floor.  Marriage was growing into the most incredible burden/cross/lonesomeness I had never known...relationships with my 2nd son suffered the most...and then with my 3 child, our oldest daughter going in to middle school --> highschool. Me and my family were never gonna be holy and all were disappointing Christ.

Moving forward to our 28th year of marriage-some people came into our lives *thanks to our oldest sons felony charges!  AA meetings, Alanon, my own personal life coach, and a fellow worker  began to unravel the shroud i had placed over my life...

I also found a couple of books that really brought light into my eyes again- and they were hiking adventures... so the energy began to build and now...imagine how exciting the next 10 years are gonna be F*E*A*R*L*E*S*S

a suggestion from a friend

I was with a group of wonderful ladies last night and told a couple of hiking adventures that my husband and I have had. In talking about our trips out my heart races, and thumps because I love it out there with him. Those backpacking trips have done wonders for our relationship and our marriage. It was suggested that I write about trails for married couples. that was very stimulating and exciting! Course i came home and shared that with him and he immediately says something about getting out there again. He can kill a moment with his lack of humor but we fixed it before it got too bad.

So ideas have been swarming around, maybe there is a book for beginning writers that is easy to find .... maybe i should just start with an out line? hmmm so I decided to just blog it and let it morph right here Time will have to be found, and a how to book may still be an excellent idea.

hiking and life/marriage are so very similar. The trails make physically and visually clear what relationships with people and our own lives is like. Lets start with a dry heart and soul ~ my own after 29 years of marriage, mothering, surrendering my own desires to just make things flow nicely for the family. I was not worth fighting over. Then looking down my own path and seeing that 50 birthday approaching denial was no longer possible...before i die i want to live, love, and laugh.

The amazing adventure of unhappiness began with several self help books and wierd stores ( why do I always think the wierd might have the answers LOL) new age stores, a few of their ideas but really didnt like em but man when I read that hiking tale...now that started my care for myself ideas. Obviously looking around my world, marriage had not made me happy, it had made me very lonesome and depressed. My kids had turned on me, my as healthy young adults do but I had thought mine would be different. My faith had left mostly a dribble of hope in my heart and a zillion + 2 questions! And i no longer had a clue who i was, who i had wanted to be, but i KNEW that i was going to take care to find me no matter what. even if it meant tearing things apart....so it began