twaddle tuesday

 

Twaddling thru my days and sharing them with each and every one of you~ well at least the ones that will take the time to read here

Who in the hell wakes up on their own at 5:30 AM after going to bed at midnight!! Obviously NOT Einstein!

Remember when you couldn’t wait to be a grown up… did you ever count on this perk! Being grown up would mean the desire for cookies would be controllable!

Subject of my strange, unique position in the universe keeps coming to mind for a blog subject. Often I formulate ideas as the minutes of my life pass by. (any one else notice how much fast they pass by after 50?) Then the lure of breaking out of the mold I have created for myself and "break bad". Not like murder and meth but more like saying and being impulsive. Fearlessly living. Yea, fearlessly.

Life in 1974 was so different. One of the strange places of origin is one that says SAHM is little worth the breath she breathes. The anger, the frustration that comes with being a wife of service to the family is below most humanity…be prepared at all times for the boot if you are will to play the part of a vegetable. No marriage EVER lasted in my pre-life! Sweet Einstein didn’t have a clue of this when he asked me to travel life with him.

My heart has always loved being at home with the kids as they grew up. Honestly, the house-keeping, let's just say was on the border of health department condemnation. My time was too valuable to be spent cleaning when there were kids growing up right before my eyes.

That was the most wonderful thing accomplished in my first 52 years, and I cant even claim it because the kids turned out great regardless of me! LOL!!

Words have always been a great way for me to express myself thru any turmoil. Turmoil is always there because that is what my brain is accustom to. When I came to Blogville it was to find affirmation in writing. Little else, perhaps a small affirmation that I was struggling like everyone else. Now I would love to blog great humorous wisdom and rare artifacts that caused a following of bloggers so big that sponsors contacted me! I would have to stay home and "work" all day on the different tabs on my blog. Finally come into my own and surprise and delight my family! Friends of blog land would only infuse the creative genre. I would have to purchase my website to handle the humor, wisdom, sad stories, historical notes…it would be a cool website with a shabby bohemian look to it.

*Guess I will make to the gym today. Good Habits Fall from the Schedule Easily . Wonder if that would make a good story one day?

*Does anyone else remember taking Typing 1 in school. Learning the hand placement and rehearsing the letter placement all semester. Certain when you were thru "typing" your term paper if you would ever need this skill again! I still hate hitting the shift and reaching for the w. It is very awkward for my fingers.

*Need to go by the bank and deposit the $50.00 check we got from a rebate. Yes we really need the damn $50.00. Liked it better when my paycheck was nice and fluffy….oh well we could be worse off. My ownly life to live and it will be spent in constant monetary atonement. Never will know what it was like just over the top, pshhh don’t like anyone I have met up there anyway.

*Time to check in on our local Good Will for treasures. Then wander up to the "Classy Flea Market" where the take treasures from the goodwill and turn them in to Treasures for more than twice what they purchased them for. But then they are the ones with ideas that work!

*Hope I get a nap today after getting up so blasted early.

*Basketball game at the high school. I haven't been to the High School too many times since our daughter started driving 2 years ago. I really don’t have any peer parental friends there. Actually it is very possible to run into my ex friend/boss there. Crap, now I have to go get an outfit that makes me look hot and happy to be wild and crazy and broke!

Here is to Tuesday!

plates and people

		different plates for different people!

we have made it thru the first hurdle fat and happy! there was even a small sampling of us in the malls on friday!  and on to the next one!

faking? and other random thoughts

I hate the 'holidays'.  for years I was in denial about many things and faked it!  As soon as the leaves are bare and the sky is gray and sun is only a quick visitor i begin my shut down. there is too much pressure to make every freakin' "holiday day" special and perfect. So I always TRIED to make it perfect~ I never buy the right gift cause we never have the right amount of money to make our kids happy.  Einstein rolls into a ball of self pity cause the debt is bigger~ now the kids are all grown and mostly get what ever they want when they want it...so~ 

Decorating is a gift.  putting up the decorations is a bigger gift and that is all i can think of when i start dragging them out is that I have to put them all back up in their boxes.

This damn cold really got me good.  germs bring me down,Ii have no patience to be a patient and when it drags on as long as this one did i begin to prepare myself for never feeling well again. yea, see if that doesn't screw up your mind!  My mind is very fragile but I believe I got it back for a bit longer, maybe

recently my youngest and i watched julie and julia.  I did not expect to like it but i really did. Julie, the main character not to be confused with Julia the cook, wants to be a writer, never finishes anything she starts, challenges herself to cook a dish from julia every day for one year and blog about it!  She becomes famous, pays all her bills and gains the author titleship.

oh, well, wouldnt it be fun to challenge yourself in something like that and be successfull~ but I have very few "great" ideas and even fewer creative ways of sharing them so guess I will just be glad that I may have conquered my bad germs and still have time to loose some weight before my freakin' birthday!

AHH Attack of winter cold!

OMG! Winter is on the horizon, blessing that I live in the south!! This is more winter than I can take most years!

Communication breakdown ~ then the attack of the winter cold! Just as funny mojo finds me again....

No worries, lots of C's, Airborns, and super soft tissues.  

Amazing how terrible a cold can make you feel! Lots of folks have alot worse on a life time basis.  

Well this cranky old crazy prob should get back to bed...But I WILL be back ASAP

some days DONT suck!

yesterday sucked! it had taken a few days but it finally just totally sucked.  ok so now for today..

While in the shower I had a brainstorm and it turned into a tornado and I had to get out!

Additional blog ->  days with the toilet paper fairy!

She will be very sarcastic, and perhaps a bitch on occasion but she is certainly not worried about it getting it ALL RIGHT cause hell she is a fairy!!

Instantly my mood seemed to shift for this new character.  I thought of just adding a tab (page) cause lordie knows this little original pad of mine has shifted and meta-morphed many many times!  But I felt she deserved her own space cause I know that even little people like lots of room some times!

AND I do want to share my latests zuma score:

She was good at Zuma

Listen, I am having a hard time finding the humor in my life right now.
A breathing vehicle going no where on a daily basis.
Used only when needed, much like the "extra" car we keep in case another one breaks or is in repair. No one actually likes to drive it, ever, regardless of their transportation woes
Entertained myself fairly well since this past January when I walked out of the dental lab
Managed to stir some creative juices in with some seasonal landscape clean ups,
Gave the front of our house a fresh, open face.
Lifted the spirit of several rooms…with as little cost as possible because we a now a single income house again.
About this time last year anxiety, real breath robbing anxiety struck.
Time, precious time with my soulmate, it seemed so much had been wasted.
My heart screamed to not let another minute drift by, we needed to know and explore each other, where had we been for the past 15 years, how did that much time go by with out a notice.
What if he died and left me, there is so much I don’t know and don’t understand and with held from him….how did that seem right to anyone but especially him.
The words would fly out of my heart to him, and he honestly tried to hold them but they seemed foreign. As much as my life is drawn from heart his is not! He can tell you all you ever wanted to know about just about anything except me. That doesn’t bother him…
Sharing a conversation with him for the past couple of evenings, he interrupted me to ask about the mail, and didn’t even notice, didn’t reflect before bed and ask, "hey, so how did the story end"
Lunch dates started around February. Wednesdays were dress up, make up. A day date to get my sexy, flirty self out for an hour.
We had only missed a couple only to make them up on the following Thursday. These were days to forget we had been married 32 years, that we had issues, simply days just to be him plus me. Some Wednesday mornings, not feeling particularly close, just before leaving for work he would ask, "Lunch today, right?"
Almost a month now, home computer, work programs, cars, you know consumed his mind. Puzzles are his addiction and any problem is a puzzle. I felt a bit snubbed but knew his mind well enough to know it wasn’t personal it was EINSTEIN.
This past week, a particularly hard week for my heart really realizing that after 30 years of daily parenting, our 4 children are now adults. No retirement package or silver clock commemorating my service, nothing actually, except a few tears as I carried in the 18 year old's birthday cake.
Don’t give anyone that shitty line about "once a parent always a parent" or "they will always need you to be their mother". I wasn’t that kind of mother, I raised them to take care of themselves, they are smart, and I hate kids that are spoiled attached life suckers. So they don’t "need" me and they don’t think of me as wise enough to sit and discuss their lives.
Well, Wednesday morning, Einstein walked right out the door with no comment about lunch. "no prob, it’s a given". I called him as I always do, to let him know I was on my way to get him but no answer. I left him a message, "hey, I am ready for lunch, but ummm maybe we arent having it today?"
He called me an hour later and had gone to get a car part at lunch and forgot about our date….
Detach, I must not be so attached to him or anyone because it only causes hurt. Importance of a human relationship…my reality says if you are not important to you spouse, well, fuck who are you important to?
Proof….nothing really matters. Shit, I gotta find some funny!

Friday 55!

 

It had been a long week… he was headed to the drive thru

One that just opened in Alabama, “Pleasures”

"Gifts” he had carefully chosen for her as  … 

They hadn’t “played” like this in a life time….

He walked to the counter,reached for  his wallet. 
“She will be so surprised!”

SURPRISE! …. no wallet

 

this fictional moment was brought to you and me from Mr. G!

Mr. Weekend send off himself!   Mr. “kick ass” weekend! 

thinking differently

Is it possible to think like the smartest, off-the-beaten-path thinker? Prob not, I am too mainstream.  but I dont wanna be on any "fixed" road.  Only way to stay alert is to get lost occasionally.  
Very often my einstein will amaze me with bits of information and when I ask him where he heard or saw  it he rarely remembers.  His mind is filled with numbers, equations, quirky artists, computer information that is most certainly a brain buzz kill! 
Often, yes alot of the time, he is on the computer looking around at articles, or researching the latest weirdest videos.  Kite flying was one of the more recent time eaters. I mean hours of "quad string" kite flying.  Yesterday he found "jetman" which leads him into the fabulous world of flying but also amazing video. 

Almost as often as he wanders these fields, well, I feel left behind.  So I will get very focused and do a little research on my own so I can speak with the same vocabulary.  Later, alone, he will get the look in his eye; you know the one that screams, "I am mentally far away".  I will ask him if he is thinking about the "quad kite" and he will either say, "no, work." or sometimes "yes, I saw this kite...."  

"Follow him Jennifer, follow him!!!"  "Keep up, ask a question to show you are listening and interested"
"Why in the hell does he find the so interesting that he can talk for HOURS about a 4 string kite?"  "wait, what did he just say?"

So an evening between einstein and myself is usually on the outside very normal LOOKING but on the inside of me head all sorts of discussions are going on. 

Recently THE dreaded "blue screen of death" occurred on his computer.  I had to call him at work and tell him,

"your computer has this blue screen with alot of words on it.  I took a picture to show you but I have shut it down"
 He replied, "that is the blue screen of death, everyone knows that.  I am glad you didnt say that in front of a REAL geek" 
...almost 2 weeks later he has fixed the problem.  Again I thought I would try to take an interest in what he was doing.  I learned alot but spent alot of time alone with my games on my laptop...feeling sorry for myself cause he was more interested in the screen that the naked lady calling him to get in the tub with her.

oh me, wonder what the name of my real life sitcom would be....

One of our local landmarks is "the big chicken".  Many business will say "5 miles south of the big chicken" or "Just in the shadow of the big chicken".  Right now it is a chicken franchise but that isn't how it started!
I think I want the big chicken in my real life sitcom title.  "life beneath the chicken"...
any ideas out there yall!

I hate winter! but love shopping on line

The temp fell hard this weekend here in Georgia! I hate it, I hate it I hate it!!!  My dear einstein of course wants to keep the heat low to conserve money! I HATE THAT TOO! I had good intentions of doing some of my blog Sunday 160 and have been so distracted.  Please do check out the Sunday 160 hosted by one of my favorite monkey friends!

But wandering about on the internet because it is dark and cold...shopping and learning.  One of my favorite sites is Etsy because you can find handmade, organic, beautiful gifts and actually afford them!

This truly isn't a commercial for them, it is honestly how I like to spend my cold nights! (at least as long as the kids are awake! LOL)  I DO receive an email from everything etsy and it is their fault that I even get started! LOL!  I wandered over to the Colorado Ranch, Big T, and spent oh 25 minutes looking at soaps!  They do make such great holiday, hostess gifts!

3 mini soaps and you choose! $8.00

We have been invited to a couple of parties already.  These "kids" are 29, own their own home, completely redid the house themselves in a very cool decor, and love the organic, homemade products.  I spent hours looking through etsy to find something unique and affordable, and I choose this!  Now I am ready to redecorate my blog!

and now I am ready to redecorate my blog! oh wait I have a dinner party tonight and I am the HOSTESS, our baby, our youngest, our smallest, our sweet Ryanne she is 18!! 

Her sister took this series of pics while we were in alaska in August. They turned out so well that I made a photo collage for her senior page! (shewww that saved me several hundred dollars)

We ordered her cake yesterday...of course.  

Remember she is the one that loves Cake Boss AND Buttercream frosting:

So we got her this one,  (the one below!)

I hate getting older....a lamenting for another day

friday 55

time travels

Time to perhaps make some very slight changes.

Time to appreciate those she took for granted.   

Time for pushing the boundary further than she ever dared the first time there

Time to actually think about her future

Time for a  buzz

Time machine disguised and sold at department store.

Wonder how will she get in……

this insomniac thought has been brought to you by:Mr. G-man! Kick Ass leader of the weekend wishes!