This Sunday's vote is historical and let it be known that I do recognize the need for reformation but I do not support this bill and its debt. It is not right for Americans to have more government involved in their personal lives.
But now, yesterday was the first day of spring. Amazingly the blooms are just starting to peek out here in the Georgia South! It was a beautiful day that certainly reflected spring and all we love in bright sun.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
simply not simple!
simple day,
I look for simple words to polish the description so i can share a moment with so many.
To put down (well that was when we wrote with paper and pencil so now i guess we put out into cyberspace) a smidge of my life. oh my, to make today memorable lets say...it was a simple day. one that just isnt simple to color with words to describe the brighter colors of the day.
The sun found its way out today, and I found my way out and about today as well. Bargain shopping for our home. My eye is drawn to a long picture that reminds all who enter find peace. Right colors for our "new" kitchen. So I clutch it and ponder its purchase as I walk the store for 45 more minutes.
Finally deciding, nope, it isnt right for our breakfast area and suddenly I cant get home fast enough.
My man, my husband, my...., well, he is my Bobby, my friend. he has issues but then what genius doesnt? that is why we go together...for all my emotional, insecure, common sense-plus-a-little, he is very rational, confident. I feel safest with him most all of the time except when he is a huge butt hole. We often hold hands most anywhere we go. Hand holding is such a natural thing to us we dont really think about it but will still smile when we each find the other's hand.
Saturday night we were out in a small local music venue with 4 young adults. We held hands for reason of excitement for the moment but also because it would be very easy to get separated in the crowd. A young woman that was with us told our son that his parents are "so cute, look they are holding hands". He replied, "cute old people." She told him that she doesnt think she has ever seen her parents hold hands. How sad, but how easy it is to get so busy in the day to day that you forget the simple acts of union.
ahhh nice simple Tuesday!
I look for simple words to polish the description so i can share a moment with so many.
To put down (well that was when we wrote with paper and pencil so now i guess we put out into cyberspace) a smidge of my life. oh my, to make today memorable lets say...it was a simple day. one that just isnt simple to color with words to describe the brighter colors of the day.
The sun found its way out today, and I found my way out and about today as well. Bargain shopping for our home. My eye is drawn to a long picture that reminds all who enter find peace. Right colors for our "new" kitchen. So I clutch it and ponder its purchase as I walk the store for 45 more minutes.
Finally deciding, nope, it isnt right for our breakfast area and suddenly I cant get home fast enough.
My man, my husband, my...., well, he is my Bobby, my friend. he has issues but then what genius doesnt? that is why we go together...for all my emotional, insecure, common sense-plus-a-little, he is very rational, confident. I feel safest with him most all of the time except when he is a huge butt hole. We often hold hands most anywhere we go. Hand holding is such a natural thing to us we dont really think about it but will still smile when we each find the other's hand.
Saturday night we were out in a small local music venue with 4 young adults. We held hands for reason of excitement for the moment but also because it would be very easy to get separated in the crowd. A young woman that was with us told our son that his parents are "so cute, look they are holding hands". He replied, "cute old people." She told him that she doesnt think she has ever seen her parents hold hands. How sad, but how easy it is to get so busy in the day to day that you forget the simple acts of union.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
first, cant you hear the voices in my head?
cant you hear the voices in my head?
when i repeat what i hear you look astonished but they make the melody they make streaming thru my mind can be so loud.
how can two hearts be so close be so far apart~how can the plug fit into the outlet on the wall and then suddenly reshape itself enough to make itself not even close.
my mind is full is full of...the anticipation of the other shoe dropping. am i depressed because i want to cry to mourn the loss of my life, missed time, missed relationships.
the anxiety seems to have transformed into frustration and agitation. i dont understand anything about love~ i never have and certain that i never will because i am 52.5 years old. i cant read him or if i can he colors my words with shades of fault...
if i could share a piece of being me with him it would be the way my heart and mind completely strangle on themselves when he gets that very hard arrogant face and verbally punches me unexpectedly. the costume he can instantly adorn is one of lovelessness.
blood stops where ever it is and chills. breath must still come in but i am not conscious of inhale nor the exhale.
then the voices begin ... and they start with a whisper of confidence. "it's ok, you need to stay calm and breath and answer" i can tell that confidence is walking backward looking into my mind. it too will fall behind a wall as soon as his next punch comes.
because i deserve nothing more than that. whispers get very loud in my head reminding me quickly of all the reasons i should believe i am not loved by him or anyone. i have never met the expectations that i thought they are looking for.
i lashed out him 2 nights ago. again it was caused from my own "reality". i was feeling pretty connected emotionally. the sense that something was on his mind was there and it showed in body language. i kept the voices quiet as possible until i walked in only to find the microwave "lightening" from with in and he is smiling and pulls out a dvd, and says that is what dan said it would do. it freaked me out...sort of like when a child gets lost in a store, i was glad he was ok but....and to top it off he tells me he had told his friend he would do it with out telling me. i hate that. that is not what i want in a marriage. what else will you do and not tell me? then the voices SCREAM ~"he will do lots because youre not worth the effort to share with. you anger too easily, you cling too much, you're not very smart, and you're too easy to lie to."
when i repeat what i hear you look astonished but they make the melody they make streaming thru my mind can be so loud.
how can two hearts be so close be so far apart~how can the plug fit into the outlet on the wall and then suddenly reshape itself enough to make itself not even close.
my mind is full is full of...the anticipation of the other shoe dropping. am i depressed because i want to cry to mourn the loss of my life, missed time, missed relationships.
the anxiety seems to have transformed into frustration and agitation. i dont understand anything about love~ i never have and certain that i never will because i am 52.5 years old. i cant read him or if i can he colors my words with shades of fault...
if i could share a piece of being me with him it would be the way my heart and mind completely strangle on themselves when he gets that very hard arrogant face and verbally punches me unexpectedly. the costume he can instantly adorn is one of lovelessness.
blood stops where ever it is and chills. breath must still come in but i am not conscious of inhale nor the exhale.
then the voices begin ... and they start with a whisper of confidence. "it's ok, you need to stay calm and breath and answer" i can tell that confidence is walking backward looking into my mind. it too will fall behind a wall as soon as his next punch comes.
because i deserve nothing more than that. whispers get very loud in my head reminding me quickly of all the reasons i should believe i am not loved by him or anyone. i have never met the expectations that i thought they are looking for.
i lashed out him 2 nights ago. again it was caused from my own "reality". i was feeling pretty connected emotionally. the sense that something was on his mind was there and it showed in body language. i kept the voices quiet as possible until i walked in only to find the microwave "lightening" from with in and he is smiling and pulls out a dvd, and says that is what dan said it would do. it freaked me out...sort of like when a child gets lost in a store, i was glad he was ok but....and to top it off he tells me he had told his friend he would do it with out telling me. i hate that. that is not what i want in a marriage. what else will you do and not tell me? then the voices SCREAM ~"he will do lots because youre not worth the effort to share with. you anger too easily, you cling too much, you're not very smart, and you're too easy to lie to."
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Bout to get a grip on it!
words have wandered and blown thru my head like leaves tossed about on a fall day. now it seems that settling came about and there is a very good reason for this space i call my own...
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