windy feelings

Do you have days where you just dont like many people maybe ..

Maybe it starts with being upset with yourself...

Perhaps but it is hard to recover from one of those moments.  You feel the judgement from all sides and its not good thoughts either.

at this moment i have to remind myself that its not about feelings...that feelings are like wheat in the wind * perhaps i just need to change direction of the winds...

Momma and Fur Friends! They all die

you know what...the last 10 days have been rather crappy if I might say...

starting with 10 year anniversary of our mother's death.  10 years OMG! but it was fun to  hear what all of the family did to acknowledge their love for her...anything from buying a flower to

 attract butterflies to taken a shot of johnny walker...

Then a week ago today my dog couldnt walk straight and was blown up like a balloon.  Turns out after 4 days of vets, test, fluids, crying lots and lots of crying, and $1500.00 that she had cancer and I had to have her put down last thursday.  She really really loved me...she barked when she heard the garage open, she had to sit next to me in the family room and she lived for the moment when she would hear the leash and know she was going on a walk.  It was so hard to loose her that i had to take 2 days off from work and yes I truely wept for two days. 

Boomer road up and down the road with me the year I had to take care of Momma (4 hour trip) and I would go ALOT...she was my friend while raising 4 teenagers and would listen to me cry when they got into trouble or flat out lied.  She didnt like it when i cried but she would stay there with me.  So for 11 years she was a dear companion that I often took for granted...never thinking she was so near gone.  

NO MORE DOGS * they break my heart when they pass...I still have a cat and she is the greatest cat ever...but no more new pets. Perhaps a bonsai...they live really long dont they?

Sisters then and now*family

Ok this took way too long ;~)

My sisters and I went away to florida all alone this year (except for niece Kellie)  We had our first "spring break" in 1987! I was 29!  Celebrating my 20's!! like it was a big land mark!  Our families, hell our lives were in such different states! Being the youngest of the three; eight years to the middle and 14 to the oldest!  

We have done this together for 12 years...then our mother died and the drugs took over the life of the middle sister...10 years later we went again.  We honestly spoke very very little these past 10 years.  But when we got the beach ....well it was like we had never lost those 10 years.  That is what sisters are all about to me.

Heard stories from their childhoods that I had never never heard before. And we all three had such different memories. Mine were the best I think LOL

Tomorrow our mother will have been dead for 10 years. TOTALLY AMAZING. We each miss her so much and we still speak fairly gently of her.  and While I really want to do a blog on her tomorrow~ well it had to start here with the all the family of origin I have left and they are both dear to me. Their families have woven into my heart, some closer than others but all a part of the fabric of me.

This year was special and we are so glad we did get to share those 6 days.  In the first 7 hours I realized how much older my sisters are than i remembered them.  More fragile, more vulnerable, more real and human - sort of like my mom, I didnt think they would ever be older.

Life just keeps ticking; like Dave Matthews newest song, "funny how it is"...daily life wears  on us and we dont even realize it erodes who we thought we were becoming ...