well i figured this much!

well I got this far with posting a scrap book..listening to John Prine and really enjoying it and all the music off my Robert Earl keene Pandora radio!  man if all these things were available when i was a teen-young adult i never ever would be the person i am today (good or bad)

also went on and humbled myself enough to ask for an appetite suppressant (very humiliating to me) SO tired of being 45 pounds over weight and tired of being too tired--second day using them and they work! and they are NOT like speed.  Just help me control my appetite.

House work is hell ya know and when you finally surrender to the chore it does smell and look so good you wonder why you dreaded it for so long ;o) sorta like exercise, generally taking of yourself!  guess human nature just makes us lazy..

where did the days of my youth go?  where did my oldest children grow up?  Why was that soooo hard to do for me- My mother died 10 years ago this May-my oldest son graduated from high school 10 years ago man and my second son was being a teenager on the wilder side.  If I could have frozen time or just seperated events alittle.  Oh hell you cant---

Then began my most conservative period of my life...fear of everything took over and overprotection was my duty!  My own esteem crumbled to resemble broken porcelain left on the floor.  Marriage was growing into the most incredible burden/cross/lonesomeness I had never known...relationships with my 2nd son suffered the most...and then with my 3 child, our oldest daughter going in to middle school --> highschool. Me and my family were never gonna be holy and all were disappointing Christ.

Moving forward to our 28th year of marriage-some people came into our lives *thanks to our oldest sons felony charges!  AA meetings, Alanon, my own personal life coach, and a fellow worker  began to unravel the shroud i had placed over my life...

I also found a couple of books that really brought light into my eyes again- and they were hiking adventures... so the energy began to build and now...imagine how exciting the next 10 years are gonna be F*E*A*R*L*E*S*S