we made it to the gym sunday and again monday! It was pretty crowded monday though so we got split up. I walked around and did the wieghts and got fat burning, ass building elliptical workout as well. But alone.
At work I am in a room alone. Occassionaly my boss will need to tell me something but not often. I drive around doing errands alone, and then get home and home alone until 6. Now we go to the gym and we have been able to talk while there but not yesterday. Guess that is why I am up with rambling words wandering thru my head.
Still bugged by the freakin cpap machine my dear uses
Monday it was below 30 degrees, my work has no heat and no hot water and monday it had no toilet as well!! Toilet should be fixed today, temperatures outside will be a bit better, but I only know of one job in there for me to do so we are looking at maybe 3 to 4 hours of work....it is going to be a tiny paycheck. Last week I had about 14 hours and this week looks same or less.
My home has really been on my mind lately (since surviving panic attacks) Not much of a decorator and not much of one at all when there is no money! But we did just get some nice hardwood floors to put down on the sunroom floor. think I will look at some sunroom pics...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
bucket lists and resolutions
the idea of bucket list is good...but only if you take time to really add to it and DREAM BIG! and that is a resolution I have for 2010~ dream big, dream outta control!
but then to follow thru with that dream as close as possible. Ideas this year will have to be inexpensive for sure! and will have a lot to do with health of mind body and heart (relationships). I always thought myself to be a fairly strong person. That if my husband passed away that I would be broken but able to step forward eventually. After my recent episodes of panic/anxiety and total fear of being abandoned my strength was tested and failed.
Fear gripped my life quickly and so unexpectedly...fear to be without him, fear of not finding him, of him leaving me. Where in the hell did it come from?
His heart beat next to mine was the only thing that would calm me enough to stop the insanity in my head. Now it truly feels like it was insanity but at the time it was freakiin real! Totally out of control and I hated every second of it.
I saw an acupuncturist and weened myself off antidepressant. Reduced my asthma meds and cleaned up my diet ALOT! My husband helped me get out of the house and to the gym for good hard work outs. He had to be next to me the whole time ~ that is SO ridiculous.
Friday, January 8, 2010
friday 55
A quiet, dry, smooth experience.
life traveled here?
courage, determination are colors used to shade life.
Both carry broken hearts; souls
Each seeking meaning in the pain.
My life is in my hands
slippers in pocket, courageous drawn like a sword.
2010 life affirming kick ass year
a note on a local fav band, drive by truckers, here in Ga...another great loss of life due to emotional pain, young, talented artist broken...and killed himself trying to kill the pain. Vic Chesnutt
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