At any rate they stir the brain cells of a mind that seemingly has no direction...
The stream began as I stepped out the door for a walk (yes, I got my butt up long enough to get a 30 min walk in yesterday). Just as the feet hit the pavement my auto-prayer switch flipped. Looking up to the sky I began my rosary and it made me smile. I have walked and prayed the rosary for so many years that it just started without me thinking. That was a good thing because my prayers have all but disappeared. It let me know my faith while being tested is still right there.
About 10 minutes into the walk and rosary I passed a 65-ish year old man obviously walking for his healthy but he was also smoking a pipe! It occur ed to me how strange that was, how can you work on an aerobic walk and puff along on a sweet cherry scented tobacco? This too made me smile and think of the space right here...cant wait to share this moment, perhaps use as a title. So many bloggers could really take this subject somewhere~
The stream of awareness of thought continued for the next 20 minutes and made me smile and energized me. When the walk was over I thought my front entrance to my REAL house really needs to be cleaned of leaves and bush clippings. My Einstein has a very aggravating habit of doing but not cleaning. So when he trimmed our bushes (way too many stupid bushes in our yard and he never trims the enough, actually just gets hot and stops) well he didn't pick up after himself. Two wonderful hours of raking, sweeping, pulling up, cutting abandoned offshoots of bush felt really nice and really brought me a little pride of the place. But just a little, really walked around thinking "ahhah, I really don't like this house and don't want this to be my last home"
As the afternoon progressed I realized I was feeling very disconnected to the world around me...
So strange because I have the world at my finger tips here with this lap top, and some of the blogs read like a wonderful book...We went to late afternoon Mass and I still was feeling very very disconnected and beginning to let the clouds of depression come in on my active and creative mind. "My blog is not interesting, creative",...all the horrible comparison games I like to play on myself. None of our four kids has spent anytime talking to me this weekend, I really am glad they are so independent but hell I am their MOTHER don't they just want to talk or reply to a text I sent, or the note I left them on facebook, or return the call I left on their phones? No one really needs me, not sure what my freaking purpose is...and why do I want to make others happy but they could careless about me. "Mom I need $200 dollars, I will pay you back but can you loan it to me?" Instantly there is money in the account! "I want to go to Texas for 21..." Or I asked one son what his plans were for the weekend on Friday....and have yet to hear back.
Well I got a little carried away recounting all the thoughts of errrr. As Mass started our oldest and his sweet heart come sliding into the pew next to us. Instantly the shine was coming back into my heart! At dinner that evening our oldest daughter called, "hey mom! Whatchya doing, I am at work and checking in!"...and then as we turned the lights off to go to sleep (sort of looking forward for the Monday routine to shake of the gloom) our baby called for no reason but to have a quick chat. So 3 out of 4 thought of us ...well I am thinking that ain't too bad! I will just call that younger son and ask him does he remember he has a family today and he will make me smile with his sweet personality and my heart will feel love.
So that is how the Sunday thoughts stirred around my mind all day and I had to set them here! Shewww and it all has a possibility of being explored in a writing individually. Thunder is rolling this Monday and as long as it continues I see the great opportunity to write some or read some more today.
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